Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
