He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
