Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
