on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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