sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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