im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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