You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
