I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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