I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
