I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
