During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
