eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
