Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
