Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize