Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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