Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
