I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
