making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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