True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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