i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
