Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
