What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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