i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
