No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
