I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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