I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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