so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
