She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
