nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
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