Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
