All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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