I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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