So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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