i barfeds in our rink
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize