i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
