Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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