you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
