He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
