Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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