nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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