no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
