Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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