LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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