I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
