I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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