I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
