Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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