i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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