You're my little dorito
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
COCAINE IS GR8
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
