you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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