He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize