I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
