just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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