I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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