i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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