yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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