names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
