Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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