I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
