:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
