You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
