so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
