Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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