would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
