I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
