did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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