ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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