I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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