he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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