This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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