dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
