Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
