Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
