There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
